Made In Twenty-*

Thursday, March 31, 2005

-8:43 pm

woo.. finally my SYF is approaching.. so happy.. wanna get it over and done with man.. so bored with cca already.. Maybe the cca are getting a bit boring nowadays.. and i was having my mentoring session today and we were talking about the school having too many CCAs.. haha.. so ya.. Actually its really fun to join all the cca.. very cool one.. lolx.. you'll learn different things from different cca.. den very fun oso.. lolx.. Its even better if you are a leader in it.. you have authority over your members.. haha.. but I've never used my authority to take advantage of me.. but when i do that.. people step all over me.. lolx.. but den ah.. oso never mind lahz.. used to it already.. wahaha.. alamak.. got back my result slip.. oh my gosh.. i was shocked lohz.. science can fail arz ? den i realised that my biology marks teacher never add in.. so I got like an F9 for my biology.. so when my chemistry B4 + my biology F9.. I got E8.. wth.. so damn pissed off with the teacher lohz.. luckily by the grace of God, my parents never scold me.. I was like praying in my room before i entered my parents room and give them the result slip.. wahaha.. God answered my prayers.. they never scold me.. they juz say a few sentence den ok le.. haha.. Nothing much oso lahz.. lolx.. Alamak.. These few days I'm really getting from bad to worse lohz.. I'm really being segregated from everyone including God.. Did things that I shouldn't have done.. haiz.. den these few days because of homework den i got no time to do my devotion.. its like very wad lohz.. if i dun clear my homework den teacher scold me.. den if i never do my devotion, i will feel guilty and the presence of God wouldn't be felt in my life.. Juz very busy these few days lohz.. especially the speech day thing.. oh gosh.. make me stay back in school for dunno how many days liaoz.. den keep practising and practising.. so pathetic.. but anyway.. today's lesson before recess one passed quite quickly.. oso dunno why.. haha.. den history was a little bit boring.. so a bit restless lohz.. den mother tongue is standard one lahz.. i always slack one.. simply no interest for chinese.. den the teacher always say "Han wei, ni yao shui jiao hui jia shui jiao hao le.." den i'm like ok.. I wanna go home and sleep.. juz wasting my time there.. den after school oso got chinese remedial.. alamak.. waste more of my time.. stupid seh.. i find ah.. miss koh like dun really dare to shoot me one.. i mean she dun dare to scold me or something.. even if she does, it is reluctantly done.. lolx.. very funny one lohz.. its like always if two person is at fault and i am involved, she will scold the other person, she never even ask who is at fault lohz.. haha.. God is protecting me.. Hallelujah ! lolx.. den after school went to eat in causway point lohz.. still got wad else.. my beef noodles.. lolx.. den after eating we went to look around for lalita's present.. I mean belated present.. haha.. i got no time to go and buy lohz.. very busy these few days.. lolx.. den after that we walked around lohz.. den ah.. when we enter 77th street.. I saw something and i finally found out something too.. haha.. i'm like shocked.. but i hope you learned something.. guess you guys dun understand.. haha.. only i will know.. woo hoo !! I was like so happy when i saw it lohz.. at least it shows something.. Really appreciate it.. Thank you so much !! God bless you.. I will be praying for you definitely.. Take care people.. I'm still missing you even though i dun express it out.. Everyday after school juz hoping to take a look at you before i leave.. haha.. but den guess you've already gone unless you got MD that is.. lolx.. really would like to talk more to ya.. hmMZ.,.. take care.. bye..

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

-8:15 pm

HmmZ.. yeah.. Let's talk back time ba.. Saturday was my grandfather's birthday.. So i have to go.. cannot dun go one.. cause i got the easter story to attend to mahz.. but i cannot go lohz.. i asked alot of people lohz.. den all sunday not free.. alamak.. so disappointed lohz.. but after a while ok le lahz.. haha.. den at my cousin's house nothing much to do oso lohz.. go and eat only lahz.. den i juz eat lohz.. den when i finished eating, my grandfather asked me to eat another round.. den i say better not lahz.. later not enough food.. den he stare at me and laugh and say sure enough one.. den i say better play safe den sorry.. so i tell him after everyone finished eating den i eat lohz.. den he reluctantly said ok.. but after that i never eat le.. The most scary thing that happened to me that day was when i went down to get a drink cause very sianz mahz.. den nothing much to do oso.. den ah.. whaa.. i kena shocked.. its like some kinda large gathering or something.. some more got some i very long never see de relatives.. den suddenly ah.. they all stare at me when i went to take a drink.. den suddenly they asked "Dennis, I've heard you got a girlfriend.." I was like oh shit.. Den I felt like spitting out the water that i juz drank.. wahaha.. den i juz say ya ya ya.. den i faster run to the kitchen.. den my tactic started.. i fake lahz.. juz use my handphone and pretend that someone is talking to me.. den i juz quickly walk up the staircase den run into my cousin's room.. Now is like the climax part where i cannot run away liaoz.. My grandfather came into the room.. Den he started to ask me exactly the same question.. So i juz had to pretend my way out.. i dun mean to cheat an old guy.. but i do meant well.. these kinda thing should not be a burden to them.. later i say everything out den i sure get counselling one.. my uncle studies psychology.. den he will sure talk to me one.. so i juz fake lohz.. den he asked when can he see her.. den i juz say she shy lahz.. den he say ok ok.. den he asked again where she stay ? Den i oso dunno wad to say man.. I had no choice.. den i juz say Yishun.. Luckily he said.. oh.. so far !! wha heng ah.. I heaved a sigh relief.. den suddenly he added a comment that shocked me.. haha.. he said if not far den i can go fetch her.. Wha.. I was like siao !! den i quickly reject say NO NEED NO NEED.. haha.. Den nothing happened much after that.. Went home den sleep le lohz..

Den Sunday got Easter Service at Singapore Indoor Stadium.. Den we met at 8.30pm.. But den I late.. lolx.. I reached about 10 - 20 mins later.. I had no choice.. I was juz feeling so uncomfortable within me.. So I did my morning devotion.. Hence, was late.. So I juz keep praying lohz.. haha.. den after that.. I chiong ah.. Den lucky no one scold me.. Got lahz.. But all indirectly shooting me one.. haha.. but never mind lahz.. Used to it le.. Den we queue up lohz.. Den wait and wait.. Wanted to buy something to eat one.. But think better not lahz.. So I juz queued up lohz.. Alamak.. Attributes sell one bible 10 bucks only sia.. I wanted to buy one.. Maybe for new friends or anything.. Wanted to buy the Contacts CD and his 2 books oso.. 10 bucks oso sia.. haha.. but in the end never buy.. Den I saw the wrist band.. Wanted to buy at first.. Den I see so many people.. So I decided to go out and meet my cell group leader for debrief first..Den go out lohz.. Den she debrief us.. den got easter egg exchange mahz.. Den exchange liaoz den received my April Devotion material.. den she talk to us for a while.. den after that she needs to talk to a few people.. so i went in to buy wrist band with jonathan lohz.. so went in i thought the crowd would decrease, but instead it increased.. den i went in den i line up for a while lohz.. den i bought a sky blue history maker one.. den Jonathan bought dark blue Giant Slayer.. I dunno wad to buy oso lohz.. its like the wording so nice.. Got WWJD, Livestrong, History Maker, Giant Slayer & One Way.. I dunno whether to buy History maker, Giant Slayer or One way lohz.. den Jonathan said he wanted to buy Giant Slayer lohz.. den i dun wanna buy the same mahz.. Den suddenly A lady approached me asked me want History Maker a not.. Den i juz say ok lohz.. cause got the colour i want mahz.. den buy le den go out and wait for sister cat lohz.. she talk very long man.. even brother Don came up and wait for her a while den went down again.. haha.. den i was like juz walking around and talking to a few people den started to rot there.. lolx.. den we went to suntec city to eat lohz.. Mac.. alamak.. so sianz sia.. den we took bus home.. den wait until siao man.. Took so long for the bus to reach Woodlands.. lolx.. Reached home at 6 plus man.. so late liaoz.. Den went home and juz used my computer lohz.. den nothing much oso lohz.. den time past so fast.. So i went to sleep lohz..

Den Monday oso nothing much lahz.. I juz went to school den do some of my hw which no need to pass up on that day itself.. den do until bellring lohz.. den lessons start.. den very sianz lohz.. den finally 2.15pm liaoz.. den bellring.. so ya.. waited for my oral lohz.. alamak.. i was like the last few.. so sianz man.. den i do my homework while waiting lohz.. den do halfway very tired.. den i sleep lohz.. haha.. den after that when i wake up den look at my Ten Years Series for some tips in oral lohz.. alamak.. i think my oral die liaoz lahz.. The picture was like crap lohz.. 4 person in a cable car eating.. nothing much to talk about lohz.. so stupid man.. at least conversation not that bad lohz.. haha... ya.. den went for CO.. den everybody like packing up den we go in.. lolx.. den after that Mr Toh practiced with us the part where we always blow wrongly.. den i juz faked that i also know how to blow den he believed.. lolx.. den after a while den he found out.. haha.. den after that chiong home lohz.. den use the computer a while.. den went out to have lessons with a teacher lohz.. Need to finish up some work.. den ya lohz.. we went to this wad little bodhi.. haha.. den we do our work there.. lolx.. den when time is around 10pm den we started to pack up lohz.. den i reached home at around 10.30pm.. And I bought supper.. yeah !! haha.. den i went home use computer and eat lohz.. after that den sleep liaoz.. lolx..

Den Today nothing much oso lahz.. school is like so boring.. its juz lesson and lessons.. haha.. so I go there like very meaningless like that.. No enjoyment.. So boring some more.. Den everyday I.. ahh.. never mind.. so ya.. nothing much oso lahz.. den after school juz went to gelare to eat ice cream with a few of my other friends.. den after that i went home lohz.. nothing much really happened.. haha.. Den i went home to bathe den sleep liaoz.. haha.. very tired mahz.. lolx.. ok lahz.. i better stop liaoz.. still got many things.. take care guys !! cyaz.. bye bye..

*sigh*.. I dunno wad is your plan for me.. But.. Let's juz hope that its really all in God's hands.. HmmZ.. Take care !!

Friday, March 25, 2005

-8:27 pm

Had prayer meeting today.. Den morning went to my uncles house because it was my cousin's birthday.. but too bad.. I dunno them well enough.. so i never talk much.. juz sit around rotting.. no one to message oso.. den i ate lunch there den go home le.. have to rush for prayer meeting mahz.. so ya.. went home lohz.. den they told me change back to 4pm meet.. so i slept at home for a while lohz.. my dad dropped me at causeway point.. to buy easter egg.. den in the end i still never buy.. cause too expensive.. so i went home lohz.. den later i met them at cwp.. den we went to alycia's house lohz.. den had prayer meeting.. And once again.. I was touched by the love of God.. So i cried.. But I had to hold back my tears.. Cause I was sitting right in front of my cell group leader.. cannot let her see i cry.. So i tried to hold back.. So only my eyes was watery.. but i quickly rub away.. so we continue to pray and pray lohz.. Cause when i was singing den images juz appeared and i was really very sad.. oh man. God !! Please help me..

-7:42 am

I still can't sense comfort in my heart.. And i'm even having difficulties to even sleep at night.. I woke up at a few intervals, juz crying out to God.. Asking God Why ?? You may think I'm mad.. But ya.. Its like the moment when i woke up.. I would start thinking of you.. I had no more tears to cry anymore.. But I think it hurts more internally.. I juz dun understand why you know ? why... ? Always people ask me.. Did you do anything wrong ? And I would always say no.. Den this morning God spoke to me.. He said yes.. you did.. You did not keep the promise that you have given to Me.. I know.. Maybe that's why it drove us apart.. It was because of Sin.. I think I told this to ya before.. But you dun quite get it.. Maybe I could share a testimony next time with others when i grow up.. Now is not the time yet.. But one day I will.. Cause God has really showed me that He lives.. Suddenly, i juz feel the sense of loneliness once more.. I still can't get over you.. Through the night.. I've been thinking, should I let go, or should i persist on ? But there are many factors to consider when you do this kinda thing.. If I persist, i'm afraid you might find me irritating.. But if I let go now, I know i'm gonna be brokenhearted and live a life of no excitement.. Memories ? Its too sweet to be a memory.. I juz can't let things go that easily after I've put in so much effort and commitment in it.. haiz.. i dunno.. Many things juz flashed back and I really can't let things go.. I'm still not sure whether I should approach my cell group leader.. Why ah why ah ? sigh..

Thursday, March 24, 2005

-8:50 pm

hmmm.. dun wanna talk so much lahz.. but probably today is a significant day to me.. I think everything should have a good start, and everything should have a good end.. Let's hope I could fulfill the good ending.. I dunno how i can tell her my last words.. maybe i could ask her to come in and see.. My thoughts are running all over me now.. i juz can't believe it.. I seriously can't.. phew ! wad a day.. pelyn pelyn.. ahh never mind.. Let's do this formal..

First things first, I would like to thank you for giving me such a great time in these 5 months. I can still remember the day when we first met. Remember you asked me to pass evelyn her handphone to her ? Guess that's when i first "really" saw you. I saw you a couple of times when you greeted Kyler. But still, i only met you when Jolene was talking to me and you approached. Then next, we had our first outing. We went out that day, with Jolene and Royston too. We went to walk around and do nothing. But settled down at the cinema, but could not catch a movie because Royston didn't agree on watching. So we just hung out at a corner. And we played with pads and pantyliner. I still can't forget that. People even watched us. Then we went home already, and you went home yourself. From then on, we never went out anymore. You even promised to watch a movie with me. Guess that promise won't come true anymore. Still remembered how we talked on the phone all night long, every single day. Quite extreme right ? But I think its good as we could maintain our communication. It really brought us closer. Then the most memorable one was our China trip.. Man ! You're the best ! You were the girl that gave me all my "first times". You were the first girl that made me held her hands. You were the first girl that lay on me. There are many things which was first time for me. And you gave it all to me.. Thank you so much! I've never ask anything more than these. And I thank God for all that. You turned my lonely life into something more exciting and something worth living for. Remember your christmas performance in Orchard? When i saw you, you made me proud. Your performance was great. A borned leader. Standing in front some more. You are really great ! I love to see you dance. Let's just hope that I could see you dance once more. Everytime i see you dance, it made me more assured of what I was doing. Guess all our talk on when we grow up perishes too ritez ? No more kids, no more bed talks.. Sure brings back memories! Why am I crying? This shouldn't be happening. I thought I never cried. But why ? I don't mind sharing this with everyone now. I had visions and dreams on what might happen. I always have happy images appearing in my mind. There's one image that could never go away from my mind. Its the one where you were in my arms and pouring your heart out to me. But I guessed that never happen ! There are many things that i actually wanna say.. But to protect the both of us.. I rather let it be a secret between us. I think I better stop.. The more I write, the more my tears flow. I thought my heart was a solid rock. But I guess i'm emotional after all.. Maybe everything was all my owndoing.. You will always be the princess in my heart ! Please take care and study hard k ? God bless you in everything you do. Let's hope we could be the best-est friend there ever could be. You know when we came down from the plane and you started ignoring me.. I was totally helpless.. There was no one i could turn to.. I could not even turn to my cell group leader as I'm afraid that might put you into trouble.. So I always tried to help myself.. But since you have no feelings for me anymore.. I thank you for the 5 months that you ahve given to me.. God bless you and hope that everything will be alright for you.. Hope we'll still talk as normal.. Not like now.. Take care !! I better stop already.. If not i'm gonna die anytime.. Let's juz hope that this relationship had changed you into a better person, if it didn't den its my fault.. I'm sorry.. I did not do a good job.. Juz wanna let you know that I've changed into a better person when I was with you ! Thank you so much.. You changed me into a better person ! I've experienced many things and one thing was sacrificial love.. I will never forget that.. Hope God guides you along the way and change you to be more like Jesus. Bye.. ='(

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Matt 7:7-8 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matt 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day brings enough trouble of its own.

Phill 4:6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

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Really thank you so much for everything.. I was a happy person whenever I was with you. Still remembered my birthday.. when i was on the bus and you messaged me.. My face immediately lit up as the message came from you. I juz hope that we can now be true friends. One who really shows each other the right way to go. I juz hope that if there is anything bothering you, please let me know.. I will help you out.. I hope we could talk like how friends talk.. God bless you all !! Thank you everyone for all your encouragement.. Thank you so much.. Bye..

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

-7:46 pm

alrite.. today was a crappy day.. nothing much during school.. juz the same old lessons.. den i oso have speech day rehearsal lohz.. it went out still quite ok.. juz the musical note, Mi, very hard to blow.. so i kinda of like skipped playing that note and continue.. den practiced the fanfare song in the music room for a while den ok le.. den i went for badminton.. stroke for a while den they "close shop" already.. so i have to go oso.. den i wanted to wait for her.. but.. ahhh.. never mind.. but in the end still saw her.. but.. hmmz.. never mind.. probably a blessing in disguise.. at least i got to see her ritez ? so.. ya.. be glad in it, Dennis ! Juz a bit disappointed.. but i think never mind.. maybe it takes time.. i dunno how long.. but.. One day !! I have faith that, that day will come.. I'm juz gonna hang in there until things get better.. but i dunno how if she keeps running away from me.. nvm.. i'll juz pray about it and see how God guides me.. humphZ... God Bless Me !! and of course those reading !! =) take care..

Saturday, March 19, 2005

-10:37 pm

THANKS THANKS THANKS !! first thing come home den suspect me already.. you know wad ? this morning when i still sleeping.. my dad came into my room.. den he ask me about my test paper.. because there was one morning muz hand in the chinese file mahz.. den muz sign the chinese paper.. den as a kind soul.. i called home and ask my mum whether i can sign the paper on my own a not.. den she scolded me and stuff.. den nvm lohz.. i keep quiet.. den now they like doubt me everytime.. they always ask me whether i got sign any papers on my own a not.. den my father juz now scolded me lohz.. Ask me where's the paper.. how come never let him sign.. the paper is in school lohz.. i go china how you want me to take the paper ? i'm like give me a break can ? If i was really going to sign every paper on my own, do you think i would still call home and ask nicely ? i would juz take the paper and sign on my own accord.. oh boy !! my parents driving me up the wall.. den pelyn hit something into me last night.. maybe its really true.. think about it.. they juz dun want me to learn all the bad stuff.. yes.. they may not be understanding.. but they have the good intentions implanted on their actions..that's why i never look things on the surface anymore.. its juz an image which blinds the naked eye.. Deception is so despicable..

-8:07 pm

phew.. juz came back from cell group.. heng ah.. i thought my cell group multiplying today.. frighten me man.. its juz because my cell group leader had to help her boyfriend with some house shifting stuff.. so cannot come today.. so we went to sister irene's place.. den today talk about healing lohz.. den we pray for some people.. den that's all for today.. den it finished at around 4.30.. den we went to fellowship liaoz.. den i went to eat lohz.. alamak.. den that joanne steal my food.. thanks lahz.. my only egg oso let her eat already.. i'm like sianz diao lohz.. den Pamela say.. "Whaa.. First time i see Dennis so sacrificial.." i'm like hello ? she stole the food from me.. there's nothing i could do k.. But still.. i'm a very sacrificial person.. den after eating we went back to causeway point and walk walk lohz.. me, pam, joanne, kai ming, jonathan, alvin and a guy which i forget his name.. juz met him today.. he studied in indonesia.. den when he slang.. i oso muz slang with him.. this is call respect.. haha.. den we all walk and walk lohz.. i bought BoA's Best Of Soul Poster and Teenedge magazine which featured her on the cover page.. den ya.. actually wanted to play either lan or pool one.. but den kai ming no money.. he need to draw money.. but den alot of people.. so we never play liaoz lohz.. so we continue to walk.. until pam and joanne go cut hair.. den the guys left first lohz.. we can't possibly wait for them ritez ? later they take their lady time to cut den we wait until siao ah.. so i walked back home lohz.. One person alone walking home at night.. it juz made me think of you.. I was always a loner until you came into my life.. so thank you very much.. when i'm lonely, i always know wad to do.. my wallet is all i need.. haha.. Xp Hope everything turns out well between us.. God bless !

-12:24 pm

This was the first song that kinda touch me when i first stepped into CHC.. I could memorise it juz after hearing it once.. I kinda find my blog music kinda irritating.. so i decided to change.. At first i changed to Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu.. den i saw a christian song.. den i changed to it.. its called "Worthy Is The Lamb".. den i browse and browse.. den i saw the current song that you are hearing now.. they got 2 songs.. My Source & Refuge.. so i was thinking which one to put lohz.. so i put this one.. Very nice.. Its like a trademark for me.. you should understand the lyric.. its a very melodious and soothing song.. Enjoy !! Going for cell group later.. dunno why today so special.. we going to sister irene's house for cg.. some more so early.. we meeting 2pm lohz.. we usually meet at 5pm one.. hmm.. muz be got something important.. die liaoz lahz.. there are many things happening lohz.. let's juz hope that everything goes smoothly for me.. hmmz...

Friday, March 18, 2005

-10:46 pm

err.. ok.. today was like so so lahz.. got good and bad things.. this morning wake up so early to go for badminton.. but den oso nothing much one lohz.. coach some more never come.. den i go there play a few games den go le.. too sianz already.. den i and a few friends went to vista point to eat.. they all juz go there to eat dessert.. den only i ate a course meal.. wad sia.. den after that i went home lohz.. den bathe and sleep a while.. probably around 20 mins only.. den wake up and muz prepare to go to school for chinese orchestra le.. i messaged her a few times in the morning.. den she replied me in the afternoon when i was having co.. luckily that time, they are practising the SYF song, so not my problem.. i was listening to my mp3 player and slacking around.. felt like sleeping but cannot, mr toh behind watching us.. so i juz sit on the chair and try to sleep.. but kinda impossible, not comfortable.. den after co, i went for the badminton farewell thing lohz.. den the coach and teachers talk to us.. den appreaciate the sec 4s and stuff.. den captain especially.. den i muz go up and give speech.. den i juz talk crap lohz, dun want to be too serious lahz.. cause everyone is having fun.. den if i suddenly say about wad their bad habits are, den like very bad like that.. dun wanna spoil the mood of the event.. so guess i'll raise the issue up another time.. at least i know.. i can put down badminton now.. its one burden off me le.. den some more mdm wan gave me a badminton shirt.. so touched.. den we all ate and had fun lohz.. but too bad i had to rush home.. got tuition in the night.. den my parents always rush me.. but i had to help clear up the canteen.. so cannot leave yet.. den my dad keep calling and calling me.. its like.. they dun understand that there is a responsibility to be taken.. i have to finish up job b4 i can leave and do something else ritez ? how can i possibly leave in the middle or something ? its not that i never prioritize my time.. but it is i prioritize my things way ahead of everything.. but my parents dun see it this way.. I think Kyler once asked me this question.. Wad's the most 3 important things in your life.. I remembered clearly wad it was.. cause it was something from my heart.. I placed God in the first place.. Followed by my family.. den the 3rd place was pel.. that was exactly wad i wrote to her.. den the previous day, my cell group member's grandfather passed away.. and there was a funeral and i wanted to attend.. but it kind of clashes with my tuition.. Den when i asked my mum about it.. Without a shadow of a doubt.. She juz screamed and yelled at me.. Ha ! I juz stared at her and walk away.. Anything related to church, it means something about God... and that is first priority in me life.. but they seemed to have this bias against me when i transferred church.. it seems like they dun like me there or something.. they always want me to faster come home and stuff.. like these how to have time to fellowship.. There's really like no one i could turn to.. except God... it is really prayers that keep me going.. i feel comfort whenever after i pray.. Guess my life is meant to be a loner.. I should have saw that coming.. But maybe i should fight against destiny.. since we choose our own destiny.. oh man.. Why muz things turn out to be this way at this kinda time ? Bad timing.. I guessed i'm not the only person feeling weary.. there are still many others feeling weary of certain things.. so Father i juz pray that you'll be with them, and strengthens their heart.. amen ! God bless ya people..
Have to wait till next week huh ? hmmmZ..

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

-11:55 pm

hmmmz.. now you've left for malaysia.. hope that gives you ample time to think.. seriously speaking.. this was the first time i could not get to sleep.. i know i am tired, but it juz get stucked in my mind every single time.. i'm worried that things dun turn out the way I felt.. Many wild imaginations started crossing my mind, thinking how would you reply me.. but it juz didn't turn out the way which i thought.. That's why i say reality is scary.. I tried to think, wad would i do without you ? Nothing appeared in my mind.. i juz couldn't imagine my life without you in it.. its juz so hard to imagine.. thus, i've decided not to think so much.. tried to sleep, flip here flip there.. still cannot sleep.. den i was so glad you called me.. And after your call, it gave me some rest in the heart.. I felt some kind of peace within.. and i could sleep right after that.. I am proud of you.. you've grown ever since.. maybe you dun see it, but I saw.. The only way i can communicate with you is through God.. I juz keep praying and praying every single time when i felt i could not take it anymore.. and it'll give me a temporary peace.. and when things started to cross my mind, i will juz keep praying.. This was the 1st time i prayed so many times.. I juz keep praying and praying because i think prayers work.. God hears us.. I know that he knows the agony in me.. I always say let Faith decide everything.. But i still get anxious.. Everything in my world is like so crazy now.. one by one everyone is like leaving me.. I juz quarreled with my mum this morning.. she claims that i dun understand the family.. wad else could i say.. i juz quickly ate my breakfast den find my fastest way to get out of home and go to school.. den when i go to school.. i get to worry about something else.. its juz lonliness that fills me.. Sometimes you really wonder wad Friends are for.. Everyone has their own group of friends and i'm like trying to fit in, but i juz can't.. i'm like a social outcast or something.. I pray for your safety when you're overseas and hope you take your meals regularly.. I dun even know when are you returning to Singapore.. How i hope you'll return tomorrow.. So i could talk to you.. Take care !! I miss you so so so so much... but there's no one to hear me out.. I juz pray that you'll have an enjoyable time with your family.. maybe you should put our things aside first and enjoy yourself.. We are not born in this world to always deal with problems.. We should always live life to the fullest.. we should enjoy ourselves when there is a chance to.. Hope this matter doesn't affect your trip.. Sigh.. Why is society so unfair ? Why is the world so unfair to you ?? I juz pray that you'll stand tall and continue to shine for God.. We really miss out alot on Benny Hinn's Healing Crusade.. hmmmz.. why can't i stop thinking of you ? Where are you now ?? man !! this sucks.. Bon Voyage my girl.. I will try not to think so much when possible.. I'll be right here waiting.. Take care.. God bless !! My prayers will always be with you..

Monday, March 14, 2005

-8:42 pm

HELP !! i'm dying.. suffocating... there are many explanations to my actions.. i really dun mean to stay around with girls.. but as you know, my group only has 2 guys.. thus majority of my group members are all girls.. and i am like in charge of everyone in the group.. so i have to like take care of them ? please understand.. I always try to be with manfred and ashley as much as possible.. guess you oso saw how i hang around with them.. we were acquaintances and suddenly we were now good friends.. i tried to fit in ok.. i'm like sec 4 and i'm kinda like acting like a sec 2.. remember the time when you quarrelled with the both of them ? Guess wad ? i seriously did not know wad to do.. There was no one i could go to in order to get closer to you.. if you noticed, i am always with them most of the times when i am with you.. that morning.. i did not have anyone to talk to.. i dare not hang around with them, as i was afraid you might get mad that i'm with them... So i juz hanged around with nicholas most of the time.. even when ashley they all come find me, i juz replied wad they asked me as a basic courtesy.. i did not even talk and joke with them... i was being quiet until you started talking with them.. den i started to talk to them too.. I think you oso knew that she pulled me jacket off ritez ? But guess wad.. the reason why she was able to put it off was because i was trying to shake her off.. hope you really do understand and clear and misunderstandings.. i'm weary.. God please help me !! I always believe that prayers work.. Let's juz hope that everything's alright, cause i've got Jesus with me.. Hallelujah !!

-12:11 pm

yo people !! i'm back.. wahaha.. didn't buy much things back for you guys lahz.. haha.. cause nothing much to buy actually.. alot of girls stuff.. and its kinda weird for me to buy some kinda girly stuffs though.. people will stare at you.. but its very easy to bargain there if you know the tactic.. haha.. at first, i thought the whole trip was boring.. i was being segregated from her at the start of the trip ok !! haha.. she was with her friends lohz.. den i got no friends there.. wahaha.. shiok lahz.. lolx.. den i was like so sianz.. trying to find some kinda company.. haha.. den someone's birthday was the same as mine.. den he celebrated his birthday in school.. with me.. not exactly.. but we took a picture together with miss angie lim.. her birthday is 5th March.. wahaha.. one day earlier than mine.. lolx.. den after that we gather lohz.. into our groups.. nicholas and I were the only guys in the group lahz.. i'm like what the.. not much guys talk for me.. wahaha.. den i'm the senior among them lahz.. den i have to take care of them.. wahaha.. den i met some kinda weird people in my group lahz.. wad lynette or reineta or something.. haha.. den slowly i get to know more people lohz.. lolx.. shiok man.. den we board the bus lohz.. den my bus different from her some more lehz.. wahhh... den i'm like damn sianz lohz.. lolx.. den she send manfred to give me my birthday present.. den sophia oso pass me my birthday present.. haha.. pelyn gave me a billabong shirt, which was like so cool.. haha.. den sophia & frenz gave me a NKJ bible.. haha.. Den we reach the airport at around 2.30 like that lohz.. haha.. den we went to change into our long john or however you spell it.. damn itchy lohz.. lolx.. den we went to gather at the area lohz. den check in luggage and stuff.. haha.. we never even talked lohz.. lolx.. but in the bus she got message me lahz.. haha.. so very shiok man ! wahaha.. i was so glad she messaged me.. cause i was like so lonely lohz.. haha.. den in the airport she oso kind of communicated with me lahz.. she tapped me on my shoulder and gave me some kinda choc stuffs.. wahaha.. den i eat lohz.. lolx.. den i juz hang around alone lohz.. not much people to talk to.. wahaha.. den we went in le lohz.. den during customs and checking of hand carry bags, i kena caught.. i forgot my pencil case inside got scissors.. wahaha.. den kena lohz !! sianz man.. lolx.. but who cares.. no big deal.. wahaha.. den we went in lohz.. den wait for plane to arrive.. lolx.. den darren sit with me.. i mean "POTATO" !! lolx.. den he gave me some sweets.. den he gave me one whole box of sweet, say he dun eat this kinda sweets.. wahaha.. den i gladly accept lahz.. haha.. den surf the net a little while, den board the plane liaoz.. alamak.. she didn't sit with me.. lolx.. i was like sianz lohz.. haha.. i sat with nicholas and daphne lohz.. lolx.. den they so sianz one.. never talk or anything.. haha.. so i also very sianz lohz.. lolx.. den on the right row of mine is mr than,mdm wee and zoey.. haha.. den mr than they all oso nothing much to talk about lehz.. haha.. den i sleep lohz.. den sitting in front of me was louis, beside him was manfred.. den on the other side of louis was ashly.. haha.. den i wanna ask him to change seat with me de lohz.. den he dun wan.. alamak.. den sianz diao lohz.. haha.. den i juz sit there throughout the flight.. we need to change flight mahz.. haha.. den i chanegd place with sandral.. haha.. den isat beside shermane.. den we talk lohz.. den we talk about stupid stuffz.. haha.. we make fun of the emergency booklet thing.. haha.. they show you the different sleeping posture.. den they teach you how to commit suicide.. haha.. den they teach you how to suffocate your child and how to steal things the professional way.. lolx.. we keep talking and laughing man.. den later we draw on the magazines provided there.. haha.. she always add mascara on the person's face.. wahaha.. den she will like laugh at her own drawing.. mad !! lolx.. den later lunch came.. den muz choose rice or spag wad.. haha.. den i ask for rice.. den when the air stewardess ask wad she wants, den she say she dun want.. den i help her say that she want spag.. haha.. so i ate both.. lolx.. shiok ritez ? wahaha.. den they got some other disgusting food inside lohz.. haha.. its like snacks or something.. lolx.. den later mdm kan scold me.. say we cannot change place.. lolx.. den i go back lohz.. den zen there.. haha.. cannot sleep liaoz mahz.. den juz keep waiting and waiting lohz.. den finally arrived in jinan airport.. haha.. den mr ang is there.. lolx.. he damn gl lohz.. haha.. action only.. lolx.. woops.. he say i never pay attention lohz.. i was like listening lohz.. den later if you talk back at him, he say you no manners.. so i diam diam lohz.. lolx.. dun say anything.. let him say me lohz.. den some more pelyn different bus again.. lolx.. damn sianz lohz.. i was like not in the mood to go anywhere liaoz lohz.. juz feel like sleeping in the hotel when i reach there.. haha.. den we take the bus to the hotel lohz.. its called Hwang Tai Hotel.. haha.. shiok lohz.. very nice.. got fishes one.. lolx.. den when we reach the hotel, we ate our very FIRST lunch in CHINA STYLEEEE... wahaha.. firstly, the food was disgusting, next they stuff you with tons and tons of food.. there would be like tens of dishes lohz,, haha.. den got soup oso.. 2-3 different kinds of soup.. haha.. den i eat very little lohz.. cause its like YUCKS !! haha.. wad indecent food.. lolx.. den everything they make arz, sure will have egg one.. haha.. they got wad egg fried rice, tomato egg, egg soup and many others lahz.. very funny one !! lolx.. den after we are about to finish eating, mr ang brief us lohz.. den he talk and talk.. lolx.. all crap lahz.. i hear all these kinda things b4 already lohz.. its like redundant.. haha..but maybe others haven't hear it before.. lolx..den we went back to the hotel room den muz gather in the hotel lobby lohz.. haha.. my room was 816.. haha.. den pelyn they all 11th level lohz.. sianz.. but my room shiok lohz.. the toilet is nice and clean.. but smaller only.. lolx.. but not bad lahz, its quality, not quantity.. haha.. den finally !! lolx.. pelyn's group and mine are taking the same bus.. praise the lord man !! lolx.. i was like so happy lohz.. and i was sitting behind her.. haha.. how great is that man.. lolx.. but wad i can tell you is that, i enjoy the most when i am in the bus.. lolx.. i forget where we go liaoz lahz.. i won't go in order lohz.. juz by memory.. alrite.. we went to this shuang yu school.. den we were allocated to different class.. haha.. den my class got yi shan, sandral, cheryl and me i think.. lolx.. den we went to listen in their class.. first and foremost.. there is discipline in class.. people always volunteer themselves in answering questions.. the teacher do not need to shout to settle the class down.. its very different from our school.. wad a disgrace man.. lolx.. i won't say there very jia lat lahz.. its still quite ok.. probably its autumn time, so wun feel hot or anything..den the best part is when we doing their pe.. its like juz running lohz.. very shiok one.. lolx.. den their english lessons oso not bad.. the teacher teach wrong things one.. not very major ones though.. haha.. den her pronunciation oso very funny.. lolx.. fire, she go and pronunce as fear.. lolx.. but not bad overall.. i wanted to have science lesson lehz.. haha.. but too bad dun have.. i attended chinese class i think ? i dun even understand wad the teacher is talking about.. lolx.. the worse part is their history lesson.. oh my gosh.. i can like sleep lohz.. but as an ambassador, cannot sleep lahz.. lolx.. so i endure lohz.. haha.. alamak.. that cheryl put her head down and sleep.. wad the hell.. lolx.. wad a disgrace.. haha.. people there was like talking about her lahz.. lolx.. alamak.. see liaoz oso malu.. haha.. den we had an exchange dinner with them. lolx.. not bad lahz.. very nice.. haha.. but i sat different table with pelyn again.. alamak.. den i like sianz lohz.. haha.. many things happen lahz.. but i juz dun wanna mention it... lolx.. let it be memories in my mind.. got many quarrels, but after all, we juz got together well !! yeah !! haha.. den we oso went to the tertiary school.. forget wad name already.. jinan something one.. haha.. den the maths teacher teach us somethings.. quite cool man !! lolx.. den after the lesson, we watched them dancing on the ground level.. dancing para para sakura and some other songs.. haha.. damn discipline lohz they all.. haha..that's all i can say man !! muz emphasize on the word "DISCIPLINE".. haha.. den this one oso got exchange dinner lohz, and glad to say i finally can sit with pelyn.. i changed seat with someone.. lolx.. den we oso went shopping at some kinda market.. it look likes black market, but is not.. haha.. there can bargain till siao ah.. lolx.. but all girls stuff.. nothing much for me to buy.. haha.. den the the next place i wanna talk about is their science technology museum.. that place the place i enjoyed the most.. wahaha.. especially in the 2 simulator rides.. the 4D one and the riding the ship thing.. woo hoo !! lolx.. den we went to amusement park oso.. that's the second place which i enjoyed man.. lolx.. we play until siao.. den ashley play one ride den scared already.. lolx.. den he stop and take photo.. wahaha.. I made many friends here lahz.. Mainly Ashley, Manfred, Si Jie and Nicholas.. wahaha.. shiok man.. lolx.. many funny things happened lahz.. haha.. those who never go really missed out alot of fun man !! haha.. i was like laughing everywhere i go.. lolx.. of course when i am with them lahz.. lolx.. den we oso play bowling, table tennis and pool.. haha.. we juz enjoyed ourselves.. haha.. i really miss all the times i spent with pelyn.. this kinda chance dun come by often.. lolx.. den we oso went to mount Tai.. haha.. i didn't even hear wad the tour guide say lohz.. lolx.. its like so damn cold there lohz.. i lend pelyn my gloves, den i give my 2 heat packs away.. one give sophie den the other one with pelyn.. lolx.. den i was like bare handed putting my hand in the pocket.. haha.. seriously it was very cold lohz.. lolx.. but as a guy, muz sacrifice.. haha.. i can endure wad.. but the girls cannot.. so muz give out. sophie like wanna die wanna die liaoz lohz.. lolx.. her face so pale.. ask her need more things to cover herself or hot water a not, den she say dun want.. haha.. den i'm like ok.. "strong" huh ? lolx.. the next part which was quite interesting was Walmart.. wahaha.. we buy loads of shit stuff lohz.. lolx.. i mean food stuffz.. haha.. den we bought 2 simply basic t shirts.. den we wore them.. haha.. that make us one big family !! lolx.. The funniest guy was Si Jie lahz.. when he diao you hor, you sure laugh one lahz.. haha.. so damn funny lohz.. lolx.. overall !! it was one hell of a trip man.. so cool !! the weather there.. the food there.. the people there.. the fun there.. the horny bus there.. haha.. the bus driver always horn one lohz.. very loud some more.. lolx.. i miss everything there.. i juz wished i could stay there lohz.. living there is like so peaceful.. there is not stress opposed against you.. that's why i like it man.. stress free.. and freedom !!! wad a good life man.. haha..I think the times we had there was really memorable.. everyone had something to bring back.. haha.. and i tell you.. the harvest that i sought was more than i expected.. Praise the lord man.. i prayed and prayed many times during the trip.. i prayed for strength and wisdom.. lolx.. and many things.. i even prayed for our relationship when it got kinda kranky during the trip.. haha.. it was phenomenal.. but i lost my cross during the trip !! ahhhh... haha.. i found my chain but not my cross.. lolx.. many things happen and i thank god for it.. He's always there when i am weary.. he lends his shoulder to me every single time when i need it.. lolx.. one should not be greedy and appreciate wad God has given to him.. haha.. so I thank God for everything he had provided me with.. even the time spent with pel was all worth it.. every single seconds count.. the trip was kinda weird though.. i thought things should start off well and end off well.. but mine didn't.. haha.. mine did not start off well, and did not end off well.. haha.. but the process was the best part of all.. praise the lord !! Hallelujah !! Thank you Jesus !! Well.. juz wanna let pel know somethings.. Please believe me that i will not look at other girls with lust.. i will never even engage in any intimate association with them.. i always try to keep my distance away from the satan.. please have faith that i only love you.. there are no other girl that really makes me go around the world.. when i see you, i always thank god for it.. cause when i see you smile, at least i know you are there.. your presence always fill me with life.. and your touch warms me up whenever i am cold.. so please believe me k ? Dun doubt me anymore.. Have faith... And please do not ever ignore me.. haha.. my self esteem will fall immediately man.. lolx.. trust me.. you play a very important role in my life.. haha.. i really miss all the times i spent with you man.. let's juz hope that we can do the same thing here in our borned country, Singapore.. but its kinda hot here huh ? not so fun anymore.. lolx.. got cold weather better.. can play with the electric girl !! Pelyn is an electifying girl.. always go and shock people with static one.. you arz !! haha.. got sparks some more lohz.. lolx.. scary.. but i like !! wahaha.. I really do love you dear !! Take care !! God bless you people !! And finally i blogged.. yeah !! lolx.. long ritez ? i oso very tired already lahz.. haha.. BYeeeee...

-11:52 am

Wad happened ? Can let me know please ? I suddenly feel so cold ya know ? Did I do anything wrong ? Please let me know can ? haiz...

Saturday, March 05, 2005

-10:16 pm

Hey guys.. i'm leaving already.. haha.. going to china, shandong... wahaha.. sianz.. oso dunno go there fun a not.. some more i different group from her.. sianz.. i'm afraid of many things, but at least i know she will be with me.. not bad lahz.. be thankful !! i'll juz take it as a missionary trip there.. spread the gospel as much as i can.. maybe with my room mate ? he's a sec 2/1 guy.. but dunno who oso.. maybe i can help him if he is not yet a christian.. wahaha.. tactic lahz.. i better bring my 4 spiritual laws book.. juz in case.. wahaha.. ok.. you guys take care k ? dun miss me ah.. if want something better message me b4 12.30.. cause i wun be bringing my hp.. take care !! bye bye.. god bless ya..

Thursday, March 03, 2005

-8:16 pm

haha.. yo.. guess who ?? lolx.. very long never blog already.. very tired man.. lolx.. juz came back from badminton today.. haha.. today in badminton i oso nothing to do lohz.. juz slack and play a few matches only.. lolx.. nothing much today lahz.. juz a bit stressed up in the morning.. my mother dun want me to go for cell group this saturday.. cause she wanna celebrate my birthday with me.. wahaha.. i know she meant well.. but.. she says that i'm going there because of my friends.. i'm like kinda hurt lohz.. den my dad also messaged me and told me not to go.. haiz.. i oso dunno wad to do lahz.. so stressed up.. when i can leave the country, i would finally get some peace there hopefully.. i wanna die already man.. den i failed my maths loci test and the recent chinese test.. oh boy ! my mum is going to scream and yell at me.. i'm so dead.. but whenever things i say, they also won't understand.. haiz.. sometimes when i pass, they also not very happy like that.. den when i fail, they start scolding me.. of course its not directly scolding me lahz.. but i can tell lahz.. its not that i am blaming them lahz.. i understand wad they are telling me.. but sometimes they dun understand me.. but wad can i do ? i dun really like to express much things out to them.. cause my mum's kinda sensitive to some stuffs.. haha.. so its kinda scary when you say some stuffs to her.. so you gotta be extra careful.. so i prefer to keep everything to myself den.. juz in case i said something wrongly or something.. haha.. its juz amazing how i could survive so long.. haha.. man ! juz so damn stressful.. yea.. you see me laughing and stuff.. but i think that's me.. i think my survival tactic is to laugh.. it juz makes you forget everything.. but its juz temporary.. oh boy ! that really sucks.. I love laughing especially with J Lo.. oh my gosh.. her laughing is like so addictive.. haha.. the moment she laughs, i will laugh along.. haha.. den my circle of friends has became smaller already.. cause when you stick to one group to often, the other one gets left alone.. haiz.. really struggling right now.. wanna die liaoz lahz.. ahhhh... give me some peace !! how i wish you were here with me right now.. but everytime when you are not with me when i needed you, i turn to God.. And i always remember of certain comforting songs.. haha.. but i think prayer really works lohz.. haha.. so everytime when i meet a certain obstacle, i would usualy pray about it.. sometimes people hurt you when they are too open minded.. but i think that's the way it is.. sometimes i oso hurt others feeling when i feel open minded a a bit high.. but i'll feel guilty about it.. so i'll pray and ask for forgiveness.. haha.. i think that's life.. you always get carried away when things are going out the way you want it to be.. you get too arrogant and cocky.. haha.. but i dunno about myself.. i dun get cocky.. but maybe too confident about myself.. Sometimes i really wanna help people around me.. but maybe they dun really appreciate it at all.. sometimes i really wanna give up you know ? and change back to a conservative person.. but i guess that is not possible.. it will definitely affect people around me.. hmmm.. but sometimes i wonder ? why do i care so much about the others ?? maybe i should stand alone.. no one bothers me and i dun bother anyone.. but there is always a temptation for me to go help others when i see them sad.. but sometimes people think i'm nosey.. haiz.. oso dunno wad to do lahz.. so fed up.. haha.. man !! i miss you so much man.. nowadays oso dun get to spend time with ya.. only in the morning den i get to see ya.. after that.. you would disappear out of my life or something.. haiz.. never mind.. maybe we're both busy.. take care people !! I love you pel... God bless you !!